Eight Ways to Show You Care

By Gary Hardin

All everyone needs people who will stand with them during difficult times. The Bible says, “Carry one another's burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). How can you show people you care? How can you help to carry the burdens of people who are coping with adversity? Here are 8 tips.

1. Listen, Listen, Listen

Listening might be the paramount care-giving skill. When we listen, and I mean really listen to people, we demonstrate that their problems and concerns matter to us. Great listeners cultivate the ability to hear not only the words but also the feeling behind the spoken words. If you developed only the ability to listen well, you would be an effective caregiver.

2. Be Cautious About Giving Advice

Rather than give advice, help people identify and evaluate the options available to them. A church member talked with me recently about a problem in her life. After I listened to her explanation of the problem, I asked, “What are you thinking you should do?” She talked about an idea she had. I then asked, “What other options do you have?” Somewhat surprised, she said, “I don’t think I have any.” But after a moment, another idea came to mind, and she stated another possible way she had to solve her problem. This woman left my office armed with at least three possible courses of action for solving her dilemma.

3. Refrain from Judging and Condemning

I have observed that, when people mess up, blow it, or make bad choices, they feel pretty bad. They don’t need me to add another heaping dose of judgment or condemnation. Assure them that no mistake or sin lies beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness.

4. Be Alert to Warning Signals

Here’s what I mean by “warning signals.” A person you have always known as a happy, jolly, effervescent, life-of-the party individual displays a look of deep concern on his face all week long. The frown and deep concern showing on your friend’s face serve as warning signals that something is going on in this person’s life, and you should be attentive.

5. Avoid Saying, “I Know How You Feel”

Even though you may have had the same experience as someone else, similarities may end there. To say we know how a person feels means we have walked in their shoes throughout that experience. If we aren’t supposed to say, “I know how you feel,” what are we to say to communicate concern? Consider these possibilities: • “I have some understanding of what you’re going through.”
• “I went through a similar experience once.”
• “I hurt with you.”
• “I can see the pain on your face.”
• “You seem to be hurting.”
• “What’s the hardest part about this for you?”
• “What are you feeling right now that you had not expected to feel?”

6. Realize the Power of Your Presence

In the face of death, severe crises, gut-wrenching heartache, and the like, we often struggle with what we should say. Sometimes your physical presence—the fact that you are there—speaks more loudly than spoken words.

7. Never Divulge Confidences

As we minister to hurting people, they may confess gross errors in judgment as well as personal sins they have committed. They are counting on you to keep confidential what they have shared with you.

8. Let God Guide You

The psalmist prayed, “Make Your ways known to me, Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me” (Ps. 25:4-5). In determining how best to show care for people, ask God to guide you.

Things You May Be Interested In .....


For Church Leaders: Transformational Worship in a Transformational Church Online Event: October 21: Ed Stetzer and Mike Harland will discuss the characteristics of worship that are in evidence in a Transformational Church; Pre-register for FREE -http://www.lifeway.com/article/170429/

For Church Leaders: Find out about the Transformational Church process on its website: http://www.transformationalchurch.com/

For Church Leaders: Register for 2011 Georgia Baptist Religious Educators Association (GBREA) annual meeting, January 20 & 21, 2011, Central Baptist Church, Warner Robins; keynote speaker, Bruce Raley - http://www.gbrea.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39977&PID=784381

For Women's Ministry: order the new Beth Moore study, David: Seeking a Heart Like His - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005337220/

For Women's Ministry: order the new Priscilla Shirer study, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005189429/

For Marriage Enrichment: Festivals of Marriage at Ridgecrest, NC, October 15-17 & 22-24 - http://www.lifeway.com/event/?id=166

Bible Study/Small Groups: Go digital with LifeWay Lessons Online - https://www.lifewaylessons.com/icds/index.jsp

Managing a Meandering Mind

Turn your prayer distractions into God-directed dialogue.
^{By Brad Preston}

Like the prodigal son, my mind wanders recklessly into a far country when I pray. In moments of solitude when I am just getting close to God, my brain shifts into gear and speeds off for the highway. I tried making a list. I tried walking around with my eyes open. I tried praying out loud; I tried praying real loud. The harder I tried to eliminate the distractions, the more frustrating they became.

Then an idea came to me unexpectedly. What if the interruptions are God's effort to dialogue with me in prayer? Perhaps God has a better handle on prayer requests than I do. What if I allowed him to use the distractions to direct my prayers?
I decided to surrender my prayer agenda and to stop fighting the interruptions. Instead of battling my wandering mind, I lift up each random thought in prayer when it comes: "Lord I'm thinking about doughnuts. You got any idea why?" Sometimes praying on it clears the thought away, but other times God uses the thought to speak to me (like convicting me that there's a hole in our relationship).

Besides opening a new world of interactive dialogue with God, my learning to pray the interruptions instead of fighting them, I discovered, has other benefits.

At times my prayers are interrupted by what appear to be inappropriate subjects—lustful images, anger about the ministry, complaints. My response used to be denial. I didn't want to admit those thoughts could enter the sacred place of prayer. Frustrated, I would push them away. If they came back, I pushed harder. But the pushing became a distraction in itself.
Sometimes God uses praying through the thoughts to cleanse them from my mind. Other times I pour out the struggle in all its strife like one of David's psalms. Either way, it has awakened a new honesty and transparency in my relationship with God.

I like sticking with my prayer list because a list is safe. A list can be used to pray for other people's needs while conveniently overlooking your own shortfalls.

But heeding the interruptions doesn't allow for that careful avoidance. It forces me to address sins, regrets, and shortcomings I normally wouldn't choose to include on my list. Now when my prayers are interrupted with, You need to devote more time to being intimate with God, I don't just push the thought away, I stop to pray about it.

By letting the Lord add his items to the prayer list, and by willingly accepting a distraction as an area to explore with Him, I'm doing a lot more listening. I'm finding relief in an area that used to frustrate me. My prodigal mind is beginning to follow the path home—the path that takes me straight to the Father.

Things You Might Be Interested In . . . . .

For Transformational Church: read the book, watch the leadership DVD, use the church assessment tool - http://www.transformationalchurch.com/

For Discipleship/Small Groups: Platform Series by Erwin McManus
* Life's Toughest Questions - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005286795/
* Stand Against the Wind - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005286793/
* The Controversial Jesus - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005286794/

For Discipleship/Church-wide Study event: Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005189411/

For Church Software Management:
* Membership Data Management: Fellowship One - http://www.fellowshiptech.com/digitalchurch
* Event registration, Online Giving: TransactU - http://www.serviceu.com/digitalchurch/

For Women's Ministry: Jonah by Priscilla Shirer - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005189429/

Keeping the Proper Focus

Several Christmases ago, Karen and I took some skiing lessons at a ski school at Stephens Pass in Washington. At one point the instructor told Karen to go around me as a practice in making a left hand turn. He made the point to say, “Focus on the open patch of snow just downhill from your husband and aim for it. No matter what you do, do not look at your husband because what you focus on is what you’re going to head for." True to his word, Karen locked her eyes on me (boy, what a look of fear!) and flat ran me over!

Recently I read an article that reinforces this principle. Missionary pilot Bernie May writes, "One of the most difficult lessons to teach new pilots about landing on short, hazardous airstrips is to keep their eyes on the good part of the strip rather than on the hazard. The natural tendency is to concentrate on the obstacle, the danger, the thing he is trying to avoid. But experience teaches us that a pilot who keeps his eye on the hazard will sooner or later hit it dead center."

The spiritual principle in all of this is that instead of concentrating on the sins we want to avoid, we are told to focus on the positive actions Christ desires for us. Paul told the Christians at Colosse: "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth" (Colossians 3:2). We are to discard old ways of thinking and acting (vv.5-9) and "put on" new ways of living (vv.10-17).

Bernie May sums it up by saying that experienced pilots focus their attention solidly on the track they want the plane to follow, keeping the hazards in their peripheral vision only.

All to often, we try our best to avoid sins in our life that frequently trip us, but yet we seem to be drawn right back to them. A better point of focus is to simply concentrate on Christ and His will for our lives. When we keep Christ and His interests as the focus, the lure of the old life will remain in the corner of our eye, but our aim will most often land us squarely in the center of God's will.

Things You May Be Interested In .....

FOR CHURCH HEALTH: Transformational Church website launched; check into how this process can help give hope to you, your ministry, your church, and your community - http://www.transformationalchurch.com/

FOR DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING: Georgia DisciplEquip Conference, Pine Forest Baptist Church, Macon, September 24 - 25 - www.gabaptist.org

FOR DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING: Max Lucado's book, Outlive Your Life, has a small group study and/or church wide event - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005189411/?CID=RDR-outlive

FOR MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT: Fireproof Your Marriage conference at FBC/Woodstock, September 10-11 - http://www.lifeway.com/event/355/

FOR MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT: Ridgecrest Festivals of Marriage, October 15 - 17 & October 22-24 - http://www.lifeway.com/event/?id=166&cid=RDR-FOM

FOR CHURCH ADMINISTRATION: Digital Church: Web based church systems software - http://www.lifeway.com/menu/?id=201392

FOR STUDENT MINISTRY: What is your strategy for developing your students? Compare it with LifeWay's plan - http://www.lifeway.com/studentstrategy/

FOR STUDENT MINISTRY: Connect with Baptist Collegiate Ministry - http://www.bcmlife.net/

FOR MEN'S MINISTRY: Joe Gibb's Game Plan for Life small group study - http://www.lifeway.com/gameplan

FOR WOMEN'S MINISTRY: Beth Moore's Leadership Forum, Ridgecrest, N.C., November 9-11 - http://www.lifeway.com/event/27/?cid=women-enewsletter-Forum-080110-feature

FOR CHILDREN'S MINISTRY: Discipleship options for kids - http://www.lifeway.com/article/155213/