A Dad's Guide to Parenting

By David Thomas (courtesy of ParentLife magazine)

Many years ago, I read a book called The Middle Place by a woman named Kelly Corrigan. It was a beautiful narrative about a woman battling cancer alongside her father who'd been diagnosed with cancer as well. She talked throughout the book about her relationship with her father and in one section described him in this way:

"He makes me feel smart, funny, and beautiful, which has become the job of the few men who have loved me since. He told me once that I was a great talker. And so I was. I was a conversationalist, along with creative, a notion he put in my head when I was in grade school and used to make huge, intricate collages from his old magazines. He defined me first, as parents do. Those early characterizations can become the shimmering self-image we embrace or the limited, stifling perception we rail against for a lifetime. In my case, he sees me as I would like to be seen. In fact, I'm not even sure what's true about me, since I have always chosen to believe his version."

Kelly's father named her. This man understood that we, as men, hold the power to call out who God has uniquely made our children to be. We've been entrusted with this powerful gift of naming. This gift was given to the first man. We're told in Genesis that God told Adam to name the first living creatures and that whatever he chose to call them, it would forever be that. That gift of naming continues to be ours as fathers. Men, we must steward this gift with the kind of reverence it deserves. It's too much power to be handled recklessly or carelessly.

We are naming our children every day when we simply enjoy them. We dads have a tendency to slip into the role of coach easily. We start instructing, correcting, critiquing, and get over-focused on our children's performance. We lose sight of the importance of just spending time with our kids, enjoying who they are, and discovering what they love.

This happens when we ask our daughters to join us in a run or walk the family dog and ask great questions. This happens with our sons when we invite them to shoot hoops in the driveway with no agenda, not commenting on their lay-up, but just hanging out. This happens when we volunteer with our kids and point out evidence of where we see empathy, compassion, and generosity in their lives. This happens when we wake up on a Saturday morning to make pancakes. We ask questions about their week, their friends, their hurts, and their victories.

Discovering their individual passions and interests is vital. We have to invest in the things they love. When my daughter was young, I attended a number of tea parties with her American Girl dolls. I even wore a blazer to the dress-up occasions. With one of my sons, I built countless Lego planes and helicopters. With another son, we watched movies together and had great conversations afterwards. It's different for every child but play is the entryway to connection with young children.

It looked different according to their gender. I spent countless hours at a local coffee house reading chapter books with my daughter, eating chocolate chip cookies, and talking. With my sons, it was rarely ever seated with them, but while in motion. Boys talk best around a task — building something together, creating something together, or engaging in something physical.

Studying their individual passions and interests, and meeting them in that place, is such a reflection of how God the Father approaches each of us. He knows every hair on my head and is intimately acquainted with my needs and desires. He doesn't see me as one of the many, but as an individual child. We have the opportunity to parent in the same way.

Top five things to know about your son

1. He wants to be enjoyed for who he is.
2. Conversations about important things happen best around a task.
3. He needs you to initiate him into manhood.
4. He's paying attention to you even when it appears he isn't.
5. He loves to spend time with you one-on-one.

 

Top five things to know about your daughter

1. She wants to be enjoyed for who she is.
2. Your words have tremendous power in her life.
3. She's paying close attention to how you treat her mother.
4. You are the most important man in her life.
5. You shape her ideas about who God is as a father through your life.

THINGS YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN ….

FOR BIBLE STUDY:  2015 January Bible Study: Deuteronomy, A Challenge to a New Generation  - http://www.lifeway.com/n/Product-Family/January-Bible-Study?intcmp=jbs-erdr-314

FOR LEADER DEVELOPMENT: Ministry Grid - http://www.ministrygrid.com/?emid=PD-BSI-MinistryGrid-20131008

FOR KIDS MINISTRY: Explore the Bible for Kids leads babies through pre-teens to dig deep into the Bible – http://www.lifeway.com/Explore-the-Bible/c/N-1z13wmcZ1z0zrd0

FOR KIDS MINISTRY: Worship for Life: Kids, a large group, media-driven, interactive worship experience for kids. - http://www.lifeway.com/Keyword/worship+for+life

FOR KIDS MINISTRY: ZIP for Kids - http://www.zipforkids.com/

FOR STUDENT MINISTRY: Explore the Bible for Students, designed to equip students to become students of the Bible, one book at a time - http://www.lifeway.com/Explore-the-Bible/c/N-1z13wmcZ1z0zrcv

FOR WOMEN’S MINISTRY: The Family of Jesus by Karen Kingsbury (available in July) - http://www.lifeway.com/Product/the-family-of-jesus-bible-study-leader-kit-P005679770

FOR WOMEN’S MINISTRY: Sermon on the Mount by Jen Wilkin (available in July) - http://www.lifeway.com/Product/the-sermon-on-the-mount-leader-kit-p005644877

FOR WOMEN’S MINISTRY: Children of the Day by Beth Moore - http://www.lifeway.com/n/Product-Family/Children-of-the-Day?emid=PD-Product-BSI-ChildrenoftheDayhero-20140424

FOR WOMEN’S MINISTRY: Priscilla Shirer Live at Warner Robins, GA, August 22-23 - http://www.lifeway.com/Event/Womens-Event-Priscilla-Shirer-Live-2014-Warner-Robins-GA?intcmp=PriscillaShirerLive-MTX-Button-WarnerRobins-20130731

FOR WOMEN’S MINISTRY:  Living Proof Live Simulcast with Beth Moore, September 13th, host it or attend - http://www.lifeway.com/n/Product-Family/Living-Proof-Live-Simulcast?type=events&intcmp=LivingProofLiveSearch-MTX-Button-Simulcast-20130204

FOR SENIOR ADULTS: Fall Celebration at Ridgecrest, NC, October 14-17 – http://www.lifeway.com/n/Adults/Senior-Adults?type=events&intcmp=SRAdultsSpec-MTX-Text-Events-20140417

FOR SENIOR ADULTS: Christmas Celebration at Branson, MO, November 11-13 - http://www.lifeway.com/n/Adults/Senior-Adults?type=events&intcmp=SRAdultsSpec-MTX-Text-Events-20140417

FOR MEN’S MINISTRY: Main Event 2014, August 1-2, 2014 featuring former President George W. Bush, - http://www.lifeway.com/n/Product-Family/The-Main-Event?type=events&intcmp=MensEvents-MTX-Text-TheMainEvent-20130815

FOR ADULT BIBLE STUDY: Explore the Bible with coming enhancements - http://www.lifeway.com/Explore-the-Bible/c/N-1z0zrd1Z1z13wmc?EMID=rpoinde-Email-ETB-20140513

FOR DISCIPLESHIP: Developing a Culture for Discipleship by Dino Senesi (Ministry Grid) – http://www.ministrygrid.com/web/guest/training-viewer/-/training/a-discipleship-coaching-culture

FOR DISCIPLESHIP: Overcome: Living Beyond Your Circumstances by Alex Himaya - http://www.lifeway.com/n/Product-Family/Bible-Studies-for-Life-Small-Group-Studies/overcome?intcmp=BSFLSmallGroups-MTX-Text-Overcome-LearnMore-20140530

FOR DISCIPLESHIP: Recovering Redemption by Matt Chandler - http://www.lifeway.com/Product/recovering-redemption-leader-kit-P005644109

FOR DISCIPLESHIP: TGP-Kingdom Come by Halim Suh & Jason Dukes, a study of the Kingdom of Christ - http://www.lifeway.com/Product/the-gospel-project-kingdom-come-P005695953?intcmp=TGPShortTermAdults-MTX-Tiled-KingdomCome-20140411

FOR DISCIPLESHIP: Hebrews, part 1 & 2 - http://www.lifeway.com/Explore-the-Bible/Topical-Studies/c/N-1z0zrd1Z1z13wmcZ1z1058r