Eight Ways to Show You Care

By Gary Hardin

All everyone needs people who will stand with them during difficult times. The Bible says, “Carry one another's burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). How can you show people you care? How can you help to carry the burdens of people who are coping with adversity? Here are 8 tips.

1. Listen, Listen, Listen

Listening might be the paramount care-giving skill. When we listen, and I mean really listen to people, we demonstrate that their problems and concerns matter to us. Great listeners cultivate the ability to hear not only the words but also the feeling behind the spoken words. If you developed only the ability to listen well, you would be an effective caregiver.

2. Be Cautious About Giving Advice

Rather than give advice, help people identify and evaluate the options available to them. A church member talked with me recently about a problem in her life. After I listened to her explanation of the problem, I asked, “What are you thinking you should do?” She talked about an idea she had. I then asked, “What other options do you have?” Somewhat surprised, she said, “I don’t think I have any.” But after a moment, another idea came to mind, and she stated another possible way she had to solve her problem. This woman left my office armed with at least three possible courses of action for solving her dilemma.

3. Refrain from Judging and Condemning

I have observed that, when people mess up, blow it, or make bad choices, they feel pretty bad. They don’t need me to add another heaping dose of judgment or condemnation. Assure them that no mistake or sin lies beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness.

4. Be Alert to Warning Signals

Here’s what I mean by “warning signals.” A person you have always known as a happy, jolly, effervescent, life-of-the party individual displays a look of deep concern on his face all week long. The frown and deep concern showing on your friend’s face serve as warning signals that something is going on in this person’s life, and you should be attentive.

5. Avoid Saying, “I Know How You Feel”

Even though you may have had the same experience as someone else, similarities may end there. To say we know how a person feels means we have walked in their shoes throughout that experience. If we aren’t supposed to say, “I know how you feel,” what are we to say to communicate concern? Consider these possibilities: • “I have some understanding of what you’re going through.”
• “I went through a similar experience once.”
• “I hurt with you.”
• “I can see the pain on your face.”
• “You seem to be hurting.”
• “What’s the hardest part about this for you?”
• “What are you feeling right now that you had not expected to feel?”

6. Realize the Power of Your Presence

In the face of death, severe crises, gut-wrenching heartache, and the like, we often struggle with what we should say. Sometimes your physical presence—the fact that you are there—speaks more loudly than spoken words.

7. Never Divulge Confidences

As we minister to hurting people, they may confess gross errors in judgment as well as personal sins they have committed. They are counting on you to keep confidential what they have shared with you.

8. Let God Guide You

The psalmist prayed, “Make Your ways known to me, Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me” (Ps. 25:4-5). In determining how best to show care for people, ask God to guide you.

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