Trees of Faith

I rarely use this forum to share glimpses from my personal life. I try to 'keep it professional.'  Many of you may not know that my wife, Karen, and I lost a son six years ago this June 14.  If you are interested in how that tragedy has changed us you are invited to view our blog, Embracing Grief, at http://embracinggrief.blogspot.com/.  But let me warn you, sometimes we get pretty transparent, raw, and messy with our journey.

In light of this upcoming anniversary, I wanted to share one of my entries and insights.

Beth's painting

As Karen and I struggled to navigate in the fog of grief following Jacob’s death, we tried to set up memorials and remembrances of Jacob’s life (as if we would really forget about him!). Beth, our sweet daughter-in-law, painted a beautiful painting of Karen and Jacob on the beach that we have hanging prominently on our wall. And we have other memorabilia around the house that bring us comfort and, often, tears, as they remind us of him.

Another way we tried to honor him was by planting a tree or shrub somewhere around our cabin home in North Carolina on his birthday, March 11. The first plantings we did, while we still lived in Marietta but would come to the cabin on weekends, were two dogwood saplings. One produces pink flowers and the other, white.

Now, I’ve never considered myself a gardener and if half of what I planted each season survived I felt like I was fortunate. Thankfully, both of the dogwoods survived the first summer and fall.  But one weekend in late winter we came up to the cabin and, as I was inspecting the place, I was dismayed to see that the beavers from the creek had somehow circumvented the protective wire around the trunk we had placed around the dogwoods and had chewed off the main trunk of one about two feet above the ground.

One dogwood

I was devastated by this act of vandalism done by a four legged creature with buck teeth. This tree was to symbolize the life of Jacob and now this furry beast had decimated it.  Then I began to smile as I could hear Jacob’s gravelly laughter and voice speaking to me, “Pops, since when did I give a hoot about dogwood trees?”

In the years since this occurrence we have come to realize that, as nice as the act of planting shrubs and trees to remember Jacob by is, we really don’t need these physical reminders to help us honor and remember the life of Jacob.  He is constantly with us in our thoughts. Rarely an hour doesn’t go by that something brings him to mind and it emotes a smile or a tear (and often, both) on our faces.

But you may be asking, “Hey, what happened to the dogwood trees?”

The damaged dogwood

Thankfully, both dogwoods have survived and they have now come to symbolize something else in my life. As I look at the dogwood trees they remind me of my faith in God and how it has changed shape over the years.

For years, my tree of faith was growing straight and true, producing blossoms and leaves as it grew upward and outward. Unseen, the root system grew deep and wide, drawing the needed nutrients and water to keep the tree alive.  But then Jacob died …. And the trunk of my tree of faith was severed at the top.  Since that time, the appearance and substance of my faith has been changed dramatically.

Jacob’s death has caused me to analyze how faith works; how prayer works; how God works.  I have come up with lots of questions and very little answers.  My faith has been damaged and has forever changed shape but it persistently clings to life. Rather, God and His grace has persistently clung onto me in the midst of my doubts, anger, and questions.

In the ensuing years, the dogwood tree that was ravaged by the beaver has struggled to survive and has compensated with the loss of the main trunk by using a branch of the tree as its new main trunk. Meanwhile, the other dogwood has continued to grow well balanced and full.

The one tree reminds me that some people grow with little opposition in their life. They may encounter the occasional bug or pest, but on the whole, everything comes easy for them and they are the perfect picture, according to most people, of what life should be like. They are full and balanced and produce beauty that is attractive to all around them.

But then there are others, like me, who have had some type of trauma that has attacked their tree of faith.  They have been ravaged and brought low.  But beneath the surface, their root system has stayed intact and continues to slowly supply the sap to what’s left of the tree in order for it to continue to live and grow. Now to all outward appearances, that growth is awkward and off balanced due to the heavy losses that tree has incurred. It is still alive and growing but it will forever be affected and changed. It will never be a tree of beauty again. It will continue to face challenges to its life because of its deformity.  But it is ‘still in the game’, struggling for growth and life as it remains tapped in the main power supply. By God’s abundant grace, my ugly looking tree of faith continues to live and grow despite the damage that has been done.

And, thankfully, God loves and nurtures both trees just the same. He has no expectations of equal production, just equal love. And His grace nurtures all trees equally, whether they are deformed or full.

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