10 Reasons Why Some Men Don't Go to Church

^{by Paul Coughlin, author of No More Christian Nice Guy}

1. Men are told over and over to be innocent as doves, but are not shown or encouraged to be wise as serpents. The same word for 'wise" that Jesus used can also be translated as shrewd and cunning.. The church wants nice men. Jesus, according to his own words, wants shrewd ones.

2. We preach from the NGB: Nice Guy Bible (Retail Price: Your Soul). We emphasize the sweet stuff and let the tougher stuff go right on by. For example, it was the book of Ecclesiastes that brought President Abraham Lincoln more solace during the Civil War than any other writing. Unfortunately the meatier and more penetrating scriptures aren't emphasized much today.

3. We contend that the ideal Christian man is unemotional and if married, sacrifices everything for his wife. According to the latest study from the University of Virginia, this false expectation toward stoicism sets men up for divorce from women who want an emotionally engaged husband And men who sacrifice all their wants and needs for their spouse eventually bore their spouse.

4. Men have been told to avoid anger at all costs, which isn't what the Bible says. They have not been shown a better way: how to properly handle this primary emotion for guys since unresolved anger can lead to depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and even impotency.

5. We promote a dangerous caricature of "gentle Jesus meek and mild," an infamous and ludicrous term penned by the late John Wesley. This dangerous caricature is as fictitious as anything you'll find in Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. We can't blame Hollywood or the mainstream media.

6. Men, compared to women, are a problem to be fixed instead of a gender to be appreciated at church. This is mighty unattractive and unbiblical. Some of these churches have also given men the unbiblical belief that women are more moral and spiritual, an intrinsically shame-filled message that is also a form of gender bigotry.

7. The church and Christian radio have failed to support a married man's need for regular sexual intimacy with his wife, which is an insult and a betrayal. We are men, not eunuchs.

8. Christian men are unintentionally encouraged to become submissive to other men in a misguided attempt to bolster their "Christian witness." We have been turned into doormats and anvils, instead of bold hammers like the fathers of our faith. Proverbs 28:1 says that the righteous are as bold as lions. Bold men are both rare and not really welcomed at church.

9. We unintentionally create spiritual veal: overprotected children who are taught to embrace false humility and false meekness. Sons and daughters are not encouraged to possess a powerful opinion of themselves because they are deemed unChristian, which sets them up for destructive peer pressure. Sunday School too often creates nice and passive kids instead of good ones.

10. Worship music is often too sentimental for guy tastes. Too often we sing of love, forgiveness, and grace (and they are important) but we shy away from “Onward, Christian soldiers” and “Fight the Good Fight”.

SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN ......

FOR WOMEN’S MINISTRY: "Brave: Honest Questions Women Ask" by Angela Thomas, video preview - http://www.vimeo.com/17816397, product overview - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005342721/

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FOR FAMILY MINISTRY: "Life Lessons From Mayberry: It's All There in Black and White," a celebration of The Andy Griffith Show (Sept. 20-22 at Ridgecrest, N.C.) & the Biblical truths life applications found in the beloved TV classic. http://www.lifeway.com/mayberry

FOR DISCIPLESHIP MINISTRY: “Read the Bible for Life” - www.lifeway.com/readthebibleforlife

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How to Treat Easter Guests

By Josh Hunt

To hear some believers talk, Easter guests are the enemy. They are some sort of a nuisance. They are consumers who want to perform their religious duty with no intent on follow through. People who want to pacify their conscience by attending church once a year. They are lukewarm. Didn't the Bible say some bad things about the lukewarm? We have enough trouble with “one day a week Christians”. These "one day a year Christians" -- this is too much!

Kingdom focused churches look at Easter guests in a totally different way. Kingdom focused churches look at Easter as one of the great opportunities of the year. This is the one time a year when people who are far from God will come to us. We get an opportunity to touch them, talk to them, teach them and love them. Kingdom focused churches prize this opportunity, look forward to it, pray about it, and plan for it.

And, they have a well thought through strategy for following up with Easter guests. What is your strategy? Consider these three words in guiding your strategy for treating guests, not only at Easter, but also all year long

Promptly

All things being equal, the quicker you get to guests the better. If you do visitation, you will do better on Monday night than Tuesday. The quicker the better.

I knew one church that had it worked out where they had people who attended the early service and middle Sunday School hour. The church took the names of guests in the early part of the 11:00 service. This team who had gone to the early service took one or two cards each and stopped by on the way home, delivering a plate of cookies and a note that read, "Thank you for visiting in our church today."

On the other hand, if you wait three weeks to contact guests, there is not too much you can say at that point to persuade them that you are really, really glad they came.

Persistently

Treatment of guests starts when the guests arrive. I was in a church once that took friendliness and turned it into an art form. They had multiple tiers of greeters—in the parking lot and at the curb and outside the outside doors and inside the outside doors and outside the inside doors and so forth. It made quite an impression.

On the other end of the spectrum are churches that don't even do the courtesy of Wal-Mart: to have one smiling greeter at the door. The Bible tells us, in the form of a command to, "Greet one another." It may seem like a small thing, but I have known people to get very mad when they are not greeted properly.

More important than having seven contacts instead of two the first week is continuing to contact them seven weeks and seven months later. Many people take a long time to come around. No matter how many contacts you do that first week, they are not going to come around. The more important question is how many contacts will they get in the next six months.

Personally

People are not looking for a friendly church; they are looking for friends, as Rick Warren says it. People are looking for someone who will scribble their name on the outside of their phone book. They don't care so much about being in the church's database of contacts. They want to be in your heart.

Will you love them? Will you find of place in your heart for one who will visit this Sunday? Will you love them in common, ordinary, pedestrian ways like having them in your home and sharing your coffee cake with them? People who are opposed to the gospel are not opposed to ice cream. Love them. If we love them they will come and they will come to love our Lord.

THINGS YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN .....

FOR CHURCH WIDE EMPHASIS: "Courageous Living" Church Campaign Kit - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005371695/
FOR DISCIPLESHIP: "Read the Bible for Life" to increase biblical literacy - www.lifeway.com/readthebibleforlife
FOR DISCIPLESHIP: Host (at church or in your home) the simulcast of David Platt's Secret Church, April 22 - http://www2.lifeway.com/secretchurch/?CID=RDR-SecretChurch
FOR DISCIPLESHIP: "Life Lessons from Mayberry" retreat/conference, Ridgecrest, NC, September 20-22, 2011 - http://www.ridgecrestconferencecenter.org/event/mayberry
FOR SMALL GROUPS: "Building Biblical Community" - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005271302/
FOR TRANSFORMATIONAL CHURCH: NEW FREE Transformation Sermons by Ed Stetzer: http://www.lifeway.com/article/170678/ Thom Rainer: http://www.lifeway.com/article/170679/ & Phillip Nation: http://www.lifeway.com/article/170681/
FOR PRETEEN MINISTRY: FLYTE - Faith, Life, Together, ANew preteen curriculum - http://www.lifeway.com/e18/shop/?N=4294673088&nru=2&CID=RDR-Flyte
FOR WOMEN'S MINISTRY: "Duty or Delight - Knowing Where You Stand with God" - http://www.lifeway.com/product/005429354/